A woman attempting to end her relationship with her live-in boyfriend found herself trapped in an escalating situation that left her fearing for her safety.
According to a Reddit post and update, the 46-year-old woman who had previously been through abusive relationships, described the experience of trying to navigate legal and physical escape from a man who alternated between emotional manipulation, surveillance and threats.
Guilt to Control
The original poster (OP) said things changed shortly after her 38-year-old boyfriend moved into her home. He began exhibiting possessive behaviors—texting constantly when she was away and implying self-harm if she didn’t respond.
As her resistance grew, his tactics shifted from guilt to control.
“He questions me about things I’ve written in the journal or text messages,” the OP wrote, “then tried to lie and say that he read it over my shoulder.”
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When user Iowabird78 tried to end the relationship following an incident where he drove recklessly and berated her during a two-hour car ride, he refused to leave.
“Start the eviction process and keep calling the cops,” a Reddit supporter advised.
“He really could get you both killed pulling a stunt like that on the highway.”
The OP was apparently told by police, a lawyer and a judge that unless he physically assaulted her, there was little they could do. That changed weeks later when, according to her account, he attacked her—resulting in visible injuries and a no-contact order being granted.
He was arrested on unrelated charges and remains incarcerated.
Amid the outpouring of sympathy and support on Reddit, a user responded, “Just because he hasn’t hit you doesn’t mean he’s not an abuser. Contact the Domestic Violence Hotline and get an advocate.”
Another person advised: “Taking your keys is kidnapping. Start the eviction process and document everything.”
Crystal Justice, chief external affairs officer at the National Domestic Violence Hotline, told Newsweek that because domestic violence is about one partner having power and control over another, ending an abusive relationship is challenging, dangerous and complex.
“For many victims and survivors, it can be difficult to physically separate from an abusive partner, and they may experience escalated abuse once they state their intent to leave,” Justice said.
“Other barriers to leaving can be financial dependence on the abusive partner, fear of retaliation, or an abuser’s control over basic necessities including passwords to banking sites, home alarm systems, a vehicle or wireless plans.”
The National Network to End Domestic Violence outlines patterns of behavior that echo the Reddit poster’s experience. In its list of abuse indicators, the network warns about partners who, “do not honor your boundaries”, “want to know where you are all the time” and “blame others for their behavior.”
The list also notes that someone taking your phone, monitoring communication, or making threats are serious red flags. The resource reminds survivors: “Abuse is never the fault of the victim.”
Psychological abuse often includes tactics of isolation and control that can make it difficult to leave safely, especially when the abuser lives in the same home.
Technology Facilitated Abuse
The experience shared on Reddit illustrates how persistent abuse can go beyond physical violence. Iowabird78 later discovered a hidden camera and GPS tracker in her home and car.
Justice, of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, told Newsweek that technology is a big part of everyday life and is increasingly being used as a form of controlling surveillance in abusive relationships—also known as technology facilitated abuse.
“Smart home systems and location services on our phones and cars can enable abusers to control, monitor and even isolate victims in new and alarming ways,” she said.
“At the National Domestic Violence Hotline, we work with individuals to create personalized safety plans that include protecting themselves from technology facilitated abuse—to date we have served more than 7.5 million people impacted by domestic violence in the U.S.“
Mental Health Toll
The woman reported that she has begun therapy and is recovering.
“My physical injuries healed up, no permanent damage,” the OP wrote.
“The last couple months have been a struggle for me emotionally. I didn’t realize how much of a toll all this had taken on my mental [health].”
She added that her ex is still in jail and that she’ll be notified when he’s released.
Newsweek has contacted Iowabird78 for comment via Reddit.
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(Except for the headline, this story has not been edited by PostX News and is published from a syndicated feed.)
