Lighthouse parenting — it’s a catchy name for a tried-and-true parenting method. But what does it mean to be a lighthouse parent or to use lighthouse parenting with your children?
Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg wrote the book on lighthouse parenting. “Lighthouse Parenting: Raising Your Child With Loving Guidance for a Lifelong Bond” is a guide to the lighthouse parenting method. He is an adolescent health expert and Professor of Pediatrics at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
At the core, Ginsburg tells TODAY.com, lighthouse parenting is “protecting your child by guiding them, but not doing everything for them.”
The metaphor of parents as lighthouses is used to show how parents can “guide their children toward success while maintaining a deep, loving connection.”
What is Lighthouse Parenting? 4 Principles
Lighthouse parenting is “balanced parenting”
Parenting styles, Ginsburg says, “seem to come and go with the season, from one extreme to another.” For example, he says, tiger mom or helicopter parenting creates a response like free-range parenting.
He tells TODAY.com lighthouse parenting isn’t a style, but “a translation of what has been culturally proven over many generations and scientifically proven to actually work” when it comes to raising successful and well-adjusted children.
According to Ginsburg, it’s “balanced parenting, offering love and steady guidance, with clear rules and boundaries.”
It starts with a “statement of intent”
In the early pages of his book, Ginsburg shares a statement of intent for parents who choose to use this method with their children.
“I choose to be a Lighthouse Parent. A stable force on the shoreline from which my child can measure themself against. I’ll send my signals in a way they will choose to trust. I’ll look down at the rocks to be sure they don’t crash against them. I’ll look into the waves and trust they’ll learn to ride them, but I am committed to prepare them to do so. I’ll remain a source of light they can seek whenever they need a safe and secure return.”
Ginsburg says parents should think not only about the child in front of them today, but the future “35-year-old they are raising.”
“It’s never too early to start (being a lighthouse parent), nor is it too late to make positive changes in your life,” he says.
Lighthouse parents guide, but do not overprotect
When we overprotect, Ginsburg says, we send our children a “the clear message, ‘I don’t think you are capable of doing it yourself.'”
A lighthouse parent will “never let their child’s hand touch the stove, just a lighthouse keeper will never let a boat crash into the rocks,” Ginsburg tells TODAY.com. They will, however, let them fail.
“We let them fall down and get back up. If we hover and refuse to let them fall they won’t learn the benefits of resilience,” he says. It allows for natural consequences. Ginsburg gives the example of not studying for a test and failing as something that can be demonstrated at a young age when stakes are low.
Lighthouse parenting prioritizes the parent-child relationship
Ginsburg tells TODAY.com the parents he works with want to have a positive, loving relationship with their children that lasts their whole life through.
In his book, Ginsburg writes, “Your family will thrive when your child successfully launches as an independent being and when your adult child who is secure in their independence chooses to be interdependent.”
He tells TODAY.com, “the secret to creating lifelong interdependence is to be a guide but not controlling.” This means being the “lighthouse” for your children as they grow so they will “always value your stable and protective presence in their life.”
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